Anyone have any good jokes to share?

[mgap]

Whats the difference between a fourteen inch pizza and a musician:

The pizza can feed a family of four.

[Strumming Fool]

Do you know why goblins can't have children?

Because they have "holloweenies".

[timfitz63]

Q:  How are duct tape and the Force alike?

A:  They both have a light and a dark side, and they both hold the universe together.

[Strumming Fool]

Q: Where does Trump hide his armies?
A: Up his sleevies.

[MTLeonard]

Two beautiful women are walking along a creek when they hear a voice call out "Hey Girls"! They look around and don't see any one & hear the voice again. "Hey I'm here in the creek on this rock". There, sitting on a rock is a frog & he is TALKING!
The Frog explains to the girls that he is not really a Frog but that he is really a handsome man and the worlds greatest Flat Pick Guitar Player! But an evil Witch has put a curse on him & turned him into an ugly frog.
BUT - he says, If only a pretty girl would kiss me the curse will end & I will go back to being the Handsome Flat Pick Guitar Player I really am!

One of the girls wades out into the creek picks up the Frog holds him near her lips for a second then quickly puts him in her purse and zips it up tight!
Her friend asks why don't you kiss him??? She reply's...

ARE YOU KIDDING - He's worth WAY more as a talking Frog than he will ever be as a Guitar Player!!!

[Strumming Fool]

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coffin?"

[mgap]

My Friend was trying to write a drinking song, but he could not get past the first few bars.

[Jersey tuning]

Jupiter is circled by asteroids. Uranus is circled by hemorrhoids.

[Minnesotaman]

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar...... Hey, it could happen!

[Dwalk]

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you but don't start anything "

[Strumming Fool]

A string slithers  into a bar.  The bartender says,"Sorry- we don't serve strings here - you'll  have to leave. " The string leaves the bar and slithers into a tailor shop. The string asks the girl behind the counter, " Would you please tie me into a nice bow?". The girl obliges, and the string says, "Thank you - now would you take your scissors and fray my ends?" The girl does what she's asked. The string thanks her, leaves the shop and rolls back into the bar. The bartender says, "Hey - aren't you the string I threw out of here earlier?"
The string replies, "I'm a frayed knot!"

[Dwalk]

Man:"Doc I can't stop singing What's New Pussycat".
Doctor:"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome ".
Man: Is it common?"
Doc: It's not unusual"

[mgap]

I recommend you don't buy a Stradivarius. 

He stopped making parts for them.

[Dwalk]

Mathatma Ghandi walked around barefooted. This gave him an impressive aet of callouses on his feet.
He also ate very little which made him frail and his strange diet gave him bad breath.
I guess you could call him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 

[Jersey tuning]

Madam Thant, wife of 1960's UN Secretary-General U Thant, was particularly fond of the folk-rock group the Seekers.  She expecially favored their hit, "I'll Never Find Another U".

Sorry, Dan Ingram.