How 'bout some jokes that are low blows?
What do you throw a drowning bass player?
His Amp.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a bassist's arm?
Tattoo.
What do a bass and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
How many blues bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they're too poor to afford the replacement. (Either that or 1 - 5, 1 - 5, 1- 5...)
The worlds greatest Jazz bassist and the worlds greatest Blues bassist meet for lunch. Who pays the tab ?
Neither, they don't charge at the soup kitchen.
A boy came home from his first bass lesson. His guitarist dad asked him how it went. "Great, today we learned the open E string." The next week the boy came home from his second lesson and dad asked him how it went. "Loved it! Today we learned the open A string." A week later, the boy came home from his third lesson. Dad asked, "So did you learn the open D string today?" "Nope, didn't go. Had a gig."
The guitarist hears screaming and yelling, runs into the rehearsal room and finds the bass player and the drummer fighting. He calms them down enough to find out what's going on and the bass player says "He turned one of my tuning machines and threw my bass out of tune!!" The guitarist asks "Well, why don't you just retune it?" "He won't tell me which one!!!!"
What's the difference between a mutual fund and a bass player? The mutual fund will eventually mature and earn money.
A little boy sees a live band, and is mesmerized by the feeling of the lows coming from the bass player. It's all he talks about for days, until he tells his parents "I want to grow up and become a bass player!!!!" His father says "Son, you'll have to choose one, you can't do both."
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A man decides to go on a vacation on a remote Pacific island. When he steps off the plane, it is amazing: Cool, light ocean breeze, palms gently swaying in the wind, white sandy beaches, drums off in the distance. He goes to his hotel, checks in, starts having the time of his life. When he turns in on the first night, he can still hear drums off in the distance. They were charming at first, but now it's little annoying, and he has a hard time going to sleep. The next morning, he goes to concierge and asks about the drums. The concierge replies in broken English, "Drums no stop. Very bad if stop."
So the man goes about his day in paradise and has a great time, but the drums never stop. He tries to ignore them, but they interfere with his sleep the second night. The next morning, fuzzy-headed from too many island drinks and too little sleep, again asks the concierge if something can be done about the drums. He gets the same reply: "Drums no stop! Bad if do!" The rest of the day is not fun. Now the drums are driving him crazy. He's getting no sleep, and is quite irritable. The next day he is ready leave. He packs his bags and goes up to the front desk to check out. The first the man finds the concierge to give the concierge a piece of his mind. Suddenly, the drums stop. He says to the concierge: "They finally stopped! Thank god, I can get some sleep. I was about the leave, but I think I'll stick around."
But the concierge is panicked. "No! Run now! Bad, very bad!" "But why is it so bad?" Calling back over his shoulder, the concierge yells, "Now come Bass solo! "
