Guitar joke thread....

[markallen]

What a great way to kick off our new "lounge" sub forum. Lets hear your favorite guitar jokes. My personal favorite:


A man walks into a store along the wharfs of San Francisco and sees a small statue of a golden rat, thinks it's cool. The tag says $12. "Is this really $12?" he asks the owner.

"Yes, $12 for the statue, but $1000 for the story."

The man sees the sales ploy, ignores it, and says "No story, I just want the statue." So he buys it and leaves the store.

Soon, he hears noises behind him, and he turns around to see a rat following him. Soon, more rats begin following him. He speeds up, so do the rats. More rats come out of the drains, the sewers, the alleys, and out from everywhere.

The man freaks out and starts to run. Every rat in the city is behind him. He runs as fast as he can until he reaches the end of the wharf and hurls the Golden Rat as far out into sea as he can. Every rat in town follows the statue off the pier and drowns.

Once calmed down, he goes back to the store. The owner smiles at him and nods knowingly. "Ah, now you came back for the story, didn't you?"

"No," the man replies. "I want know if you have a golden banjo player."

Cheers,
Mark

[Iplay2]

Once calmed down, he goes back to the store. The owner smiles at him and nods knowingly. "Ah, now you came back for the story, didn't you?"

"No," the man replies. "I want know if you have a golden banjo player."

Cheers,
Mark

I almost spit coffee on my keyboard....   



How many Bluegrass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

None!  They won't touch anything electric

[Guitar Rodeo]

As a banjo player (read: joke victim), I am going to have to push back:

What do you call a room full of guitarists? Prison.... 

[Scriptor]

As a banjo player (read: joke victim), I am going to have to push back:

Jim, I'm here to back you up ... as a former festival-playing Bluegrass musician (in a previous life), and a former banjo owner (average player; sold to fund my 414ce Ltd purchase; how's that for the Taylor tie-in?), I can laugh along with you guys but still hold great respect for the genre and a number of amazing banjo pickers past and present ... 

[Saxacat]

Before an all out guitar v banjo war starts

an off topic ditty; my son came home from school today , "Daddy Daddy" he shouted "I've got a part in the annual school play, I'm going to play the husband!" "Never mind son", I said, "You might get a speaking part next year."

[Scriptor]

Uh, oh ... I think we just violated the forum rules ... isn't Bluegrass a religion?   

[markallen]

Uh, oh ... I think we just violated the forum rules ... isn't Bluegrass a religion?   

Not sure, but I've always been told it's a very fine line between "religion" and "cult" 

[Guitar Rodeo]

Scriptor,

Brother. My Brother. It is so nice to find another person who admits to playing the old five.... Yes, the amount of distance traveled on that instrument in the past 40 years is astounding. When I started, there was Scruggs, Kieth, and Reno styles. Listen to Noam Pikelny. Un-be-freaking-lievable. The latest generation of players has brought the 5-string to the level of fully articulated jazz instrument on which anything, ANYTHING, can be played. Bela got there first, but Noam is the master now. I can pick pretty well, maybe good enough to carry Noam's banjo in from the car to back stage (if the regular roadie couldn't).

[Iplay2]

Scriptor,

Brother. My Brother. It is so nice to find another person who admits to playing the old five.... Yes, the amount of distance traveled on that instrument in the past 40 years is astounding. When I started, there was Scruggs, Kieth, and Reno styles. Listen to Noam Pikelny. Un-be-freaking-lievable. The latest generation of players has brought the 5-string to the level of fully articulated jazz instrument on which anything, ANYTHING, can be played. Bela got there first, but Noam is the master now. I can pick pretty well, maybe good enough to carry Noam's banjo in from the car to back stage (if the regular roadie couldn't).

So I gotta ask...how do you two feel about 6 string banjos?

[bo1142]

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?


Nobody cries when you cut up a banjo

Heard that one from Doyle Dykes

[Guitar Rodeo]

Okay, that's it....

How long does it take to tune a banjo? No one knows......

How do you get the banjo player off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza...

What do you call a banjo player with no girlfriend? Homeless...

I have more banjo jokes and am not afraid to use them! You can be the life of the party and use all of these jokes-simply insert "guitar" for "banjo" if you want to get bigger laughs...

[DMBfan41]

I love it!  Now got I ammo for all the old BG dudes that loiter at the shop! 

Thursday can't come soon enough.  I'm prolly gonna get thrashed by a group of seniors but it's so worth it.

[Terry]

Two of my favorite Far Sides and my Crafters of TN Maple Classic
Keep 'em coming!
Terry

PS Usually these pictures show up about half the size they are showing here. I'm using Photobucket.

[davwir]

I remember hearing in college..

"How do you get a guitar player to turn down?
Put a chart in front of him.."

[Iplay2]

I remember hearing in college..

"How do you get a guitar player to turn down?
Put a chart in front of him.."

Hey, I resemble that remark!

OK

A guy picks up a guitar at a fingerstyle convention and starts to play a song.  By then end of his song a huge crowd of fingerstyle players had surrounded him with awed looks on their faces.  One of them finally broke the silence and asked:

“What is that strange tuning you were using?”

The man smiled and replied, “EADGBE”