Fret life IMHO is determined mainly by how hard you fret the strings. I just built bone nuts for 2 custom Teles that are about 5 yrs old. These belong to a full time musician who plays almost nightly on stage. He plays 1 of these on almost every song, and the other on tunes that need the different sound from different pick-ups. Fret wear was almost nil on both guitars. He has a very light fretting hand.
Myself, I am heavy handed. I suspect a bad habit, never broken, from learning on an old Martin 000-18. Looking back, I now realize that the old Martin, while sounding great, played like crap. I've tried to play without a death grip, but I can do it only when playing very softly. The louder I play the hard I fret.When I played electric in bands, I played 11s if that tells you anything. Any lighter and I fretted them out of tune.
Steve