Author Topic: Anyone have any good jokes to share?  (Read 13209 times)

Dwalk

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #30 on: November 18, 2016, 06:43:53 AM »
What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
"The Defendant"
When you're happy you enjoy the music. But, when you're sad you understand the lyrics.

mgap

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #31 on: November 24, 2016, 12:55:31 PM »
Maestro's Hell.

He who loses money, loses much; he who loses a friend, loses more; he who loses faith, loses all.

Strumming Fool

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #32 on: November 30, 2016, 03:41:22 PM »
A little boy was born without a body. He wished for a torso and his wish was granted. He then wished for arms so he could feed himself, and his wish was granted. He then wished for legs so he could go outside to run and play with friends, and his wish was granted. He then ran outside into the street and was hit by a car.

The motto of this story is.......

quit while you're a head!
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mgap

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #33 on: November 30, 2016, 08:40:19 PM »
Why does a violinist have a handkercheif under his chin when he plays:
Because there's no spit valve.
He who loses money, loses much; he who loses a friend, loses more; he who loses faith, loses all.

Minnesotaman

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #34 on: December 21, 2016, 05:35:04 PM »
Ole and Lena had a new baby and invited Sven and Tina to dinner to meet the new member of their family. Before they rang the doorbell, Tina said to Sven, "Now don't you say nuttin' about the baby not having any ears." Sven said, "don't worry I won't." After dinner Lena suggested that Ole take Sven to the nursery to see the baby. So they went to see the baby and Sven asks, "So Ole, dat baby got good eyes?" Ole says, "Ya sure, dat baby's got great eyes." Sven replies, "That's good, 'cause he sure ain't gonna wear glasses."

Minnesotaman

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #35 on: March 29, 2017, 02:27:22 AM »
Recent studies have shown that women with a few extra pounds, live longer then the men who mention it.....

mgap

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #36 on: April 03, 2017, 08:51:57 AM »
Q - What's the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?
A - You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.
He who loses money, loses much; he who loses a friend, loses more; he who loses faith, loses all.

Minnesotaman

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #37 on: April 21, 2017, 11:59:52 PM »
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation for the local swimming pool, so I gave him a small glass of water.....

TLAW

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #38 on: April 22, 2017, 03:04:23 PM »
Didn't read through to see if this had already been shared so please forgive if it has?

Q:  What's a worship guitarists favorite chord?

A:  Gsus ( pronounced "Je-sus")

 ;)
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cotten

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #39 on: April 22, 2017, 07:50:55 PM »
I coined a new word today:  plagiarism.

cotten
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cotten

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #40 on: April 24, 2017, 03:07:43 PM »
I knew a Baptist lady who was thinking of auditioning for a support role in The Sound of Music. She tried on a nun's costume, promising she wouldn't make a habit of it.

She got the part, but the costume wasn't the right size. Knowing that I would be going by a costume shop, she asked if I would stop by to see if they had what she needed. I did, but they didn't have nun.

cotten


Just noticed the title of this thread. Sorry!
Soli Deo Gloria

Minnesotaman

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #41 on: April 25, 2017, 10:22:33 PM »
Guy post

cotten

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #42 on: April 28, 2017, 06:37:34 PM »
Budding amateur guitarist decides to try his hand at performing, and offers to do a gig at the local convalescent home. After a short performance he was wrapping up and spoke to a person in a chair on the front. "I hope you get better soon" said the guitarist with a smile. "I hope you get better soon aswell " said the patient.


A guitarist wins the lottery. A friend asks what he's going to do with his winnings. He replied " I'm gonna keep gigging until the money runs out."


Young Johnny decides he wants to learn bass, and after some pleading talks his mom into it. So they go to the local music store to buy him a bass rig and sign him up for bass lessons with Bob the bass teacher. First lesson: Bob, "Johnny, you see that thickest string on the top? That's the E string. Hit it! .....Good. Now go home and practice that and I'll see you next week." One week later... second lesson: Bob, "Hi Johnny, how did your practice go?" Johnny, "Fine." Bob, "Great! Now you see that second biggest string right below the E string? That's the A string. Hit it! ... Good. Now go home and practice that and I'll see you next week." Next week Bob waits for Johnny, and he doesn't show. Finally he calls and Johnny's mom answers, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I should have called you. Johnny joined a band and is out on tour."


A guitarist, a bass player, and a drummer are all riding in a car together. Who is the driver?  The cop.


The guy in the next apartment came banging on my door at 2:30 in the morning. 2:30!! Lucky for him I was still up, practicing my bagpipes.


A doctor, lawyer and musician die in a car crash and find themselves outside the pearly gates before St. Peter.

St. Pete to the doctor: "Why should I let you into heaven?"
Doctor: "I devoted my life to curing the ill, healing the wounded and improving the quality life of all those that sought my services."
St. Pete: "Welcome to heaven" and the pearly gates open with angels lining the golden road playing trumpets to welcome the newcomer in joyous celebration.

St. Pete to the lawyer: "Why should I let you into heaven?"
Lawyer: "I devoted my life to justice for all, defending the rights of individuals, and improving the quality of life for all those that sought my services."
St. Pete: "Welcome to heaven" and the pearly gates open with angels lining the golden road playing trumpets to welcome the newcomer in joyous celebration.

St. Pete to the musician: "Why should I let you into heaven?"
Musician: "I devoted my live to the celebration of life itself through the magic of song and dance and improved the quality of life for all those that sought my services."
St. Pete: "Welcome to heaven. To enter please use the loading dock in back, go through the kitchen and take the freight elevator to the third floor........"


Why are violins bigger than violas?
They're actually the same size. It's just that violinist's heads are bigger.


What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? Vibrato.


Why is it that sound guys, when performing mic checks, can count no higher than three? This is not a joke, I really want to know!


Did you hear about the guitarist who lost his livelihood in a car accident? It was a Fender bender.


What's the difference between a country music guitarist and a jazz guitarist? A country music guitarist plays 4 chords for 40,000 people, and a jazz guitarist plays 40,000 chords for 4 people!



cotten

Soli Deo Gloria

cotten

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #43 on: April 28, 2017, 06:39:39 PM »







cotten
« Last Edit: April 28, 2017, 06:41:23 PM by cotten »
Soli Deo Gloria

FrankenTaylor

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #44 on: April 28, 2017, 07:08:29 PM »
How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?


A Brazilian!
"Let your smile change the world, don't let the world change your smile."

(Unknown)