Author Topic: Anyone have any good jokes to share?  (Read 13211 times)

mgap

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #15 on: October 24, 2016, 08:10:19 AM »
Whats the difference between a fourteen inch pizza and a musician:

The pizza can feed a family of four.
He who loses money, loses much; he who loses a friend, loses more; he who loses faith, loses all.

Strumming Fool

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #16 on: October 24, 2016, 11:53:04 AM »
Do you know why goblins can't have children?

Because they have "holloweenies".
My Taylor Grand Auditoriums:

1997 Cujo14 - old growth cedar/black walnut
2014 K24e - master grade koa
2018 Custom GA - bear claw sitka spruce/mahogany
2019 614 - torrified sitka spruce/flamed maple
2020 714 - lutz spruce/rosewood

timfitz63

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #17 on: October 24, 2016, 04:36:00 PM »
Q:  How are duct tape and the Force alike?

A:  They both have a light and a dark side, and they both hold the universe together.
DN: 360e, 510ce, 510e-FLTD, 810ce-LTD (Braz RW), PS10ce
GA: 414ce, 614ce-LTD, 714ce-FLTD, BR-V, BTO (Makore, 'Wild Grain' RW, Blkwood), GAce-FLTD, K24ce, PS14ce (Coco, Braz RW, "Milagro"), W14ce-LTD
GC: 812ce-LTD TF, BTO TF ('Sinker'/Walnut, Engelmann/"Milagro"), LTG #400
GO: 718e-FLTD, BTO (Taz Myrtle)
GS: Custom 516e, BTO 12's (Taz Tiger Myrtle, 'Crazy' RW), 556ce, 656ce, K66ce, PS56ce ("Milagro")
GS Mini 2012 Spring LTD (Blackwood)
T3/B: Custom (Cu & Au Sparkle)
T5: C1, C5-12, S (Aztec Gold)

Strumming Fool

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #18 on: October 24, 2016, 04:44:46 PM »
Q: Where does Trump hide his armies?
A: Up his sleevies.
My Taylor Grand Auditoriums:

1997 Cujo14 - old growth cedar/black walnut
2014 K24e - master grade koa
2018 Custom GA - bear claw sitka spruce/mahogany
2019 614 - torrified sitka spruce/flamed maple
2020 714 - lutz spruce/rosewood

MTLeonard

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #19 on: October 25, 2016, 05:05:40 PM »
Two beautiful women are walking along a creek when they hear a voice call out "Hey Girls"! They look around and don't see any one & hear the voice again. "Hey I'm here in the creek on this rock". There, sitting on a rock is a frog & he is TALKING!
The Frog explains to the girls that he is not really a Frog but that he is really a handsome man and the worlds greatest Flat Pick Guitar Player! But an evil Witch has put a curse on him & turned him into an ugly frog.
BUT - he says, If only a pretty girl would kiss me the curse will end & I will go back to being the Handsome Flat Pick Guitar Player I really am!

One of the girls wades out into the creek picks up the Frog holds him near her lips for a second then quickly puts him in her purse and zips it up tight!
Her friend asks why don't you kiss him??? She reply's...

ARE YOU KIDDING - He's worth WAY more as a talking Frog than he will ever be as a Guitar Player!!!
If Pro is the opposite of Con
Progress must be the Opposite of Congress

GS Mini
Grafted Walnut 414 LDT
714 W/Spruce Top
Dan Carry Signature

Strumming Fool

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #20 on: October 27, 2016, 07:14:29 AM »
What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coffin?"
My Taylor Grand Auditoriums:

1997 Cujo14 - old growth cedar/black walnut
2014 K24e - master grade koa
2018 Custom GA - bear claw sitka spruce/mahogany
2019 614 - torrified sitka spruce/flamed maple
2020 714 - lutz spruce/rosewood

mgap

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #21 on: October 27, 2016, 07:37:20 AM »
My Friend was trying to write a drinking song, but he could not get past the first few bars.
He who loses money, loses much; he who loses a friend, loses more; he who loses faith, loses all.

Jersey tuning

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #22 on: October 28, 2016, 03:53:41 AM »
Jupiter is circled by asteroids. Uranus is circled by hemorrhoids.
CURRENTLY PLAYING

'30 Martin 2-17 solid Mahogany
'97 Tacoma PK-30 Sitka/koa
'99 Alhambra 11C classical cedar/EIR
'05 TAYLOR 614ce 
'07 Breedlove Atlas 12-string Sitka/Mahogany
'10 Froggy Bottom "C" Adi/Brazilian   
'11 TAYLOR BTO GC 12-fret sinker/EIR.  
'14 Alvarez Baritone Sitka/Mahogany
'18 Cordoba hybrid Flamenco Euro Spruce/Ziricote
'23 M. Colbert Baritone Alaskan Sitka/Black Limba multiscale with Manzer wedge

Minnesotaman

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #23 on: November 07, 2016, 09:40:53 AM »
Two Irishmen walk out of a bar...... Hey, it could happen!

Dwalk

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #24 on: November 13, 2016, 11:33:56 AM »
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you but don't start anything "
When you're happy you enjoy the music. But, when you're sad you understand the lyrics.

Strumming Fool

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #25 on: November 13, 2016, 12:38:35 PM »
A string slithers  into a bar.  The bartender says,"Sorry- we don't serve strings here - you'll  have to leave. " The string leaves the bar and slithers into a tailor shop. The string asks the girl behind the counter, " Would you please tie me into a nice bow?". The girl obliges, and the string says, "Thank you - now would you take your scissors and fray my ends?" The girl does what she's asked. The string thanks her, leaves the shop and rolls back into the bar. The bartender says, "Hey - aren't you the string I threw out of here earlier?"
The string replies, "I'm a frayed knot!"
My Taylor Grand Auditoriums:

1997 Cujo14 - old growth cedar/black walnut
2014 K24e - master grade koa
2018 Custom GA - bear claw sitka spruce/mahogany
2019 614 - torrified sitka spruce/flamed maple
2020 714 - lutz spruce/rosewood

Dwalk

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #26 on: November 13, 2016, 01:41:49 PM »
Man:"Doc I can't stop singing What's New Pussycat".
Doctor:"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome ".
Man: Is it common?"
Doc: It's not unusual"
When you're happy you enjoy the music. But, when you're sad you understand the lyrics.

mgap

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #27 on: November 14, 2016, 08:42:00 AM »
I recommend you don't buy a Stradivarius. 

He stopped making parts for them.
He who loses money, loses much; he who loses a friend, loses more; he who loses faith, loses all.

Dwalk

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #28 on: November 14, 2016, 09:30:46 AM »
Mathatma Ghandi walked around barefooted. This gave him an impressive aet of callouses on his feet.
He also ate very little which made him frail and his strange diet gave him bad breath.
I guess you could call him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 
When you're happy you enjoy the music. But, when you're sad you understand the lyrics.

Jersey tuning

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Re: Anyone have any good jokes to share?
« Reply #29 on: November 14, 2016, 01:48:20 PM »
Madam Thant, wife of 1960's UN Secretary-General U Thant, was particularly fond of the folk-rock group the Seekers.  She expecially favored their hit, "I'll Never Find Another U".

Sorry, Dan Ingram.
CURRENTLY PLAYING

'30 Martin 2-17 solid Mahogany
'97 Tacoma PK-30 Sitka/koa
'99 Alhambra 11C classical cedar/EIR
'05 TAYLOR 614ce 
'07 Breedlove Atlas 12-string Sitka/Mahogany
'10 Froggy Bottom "C" Adi/Brazilian   
'11 TAYLOR BTO GC 12-fret sinker/EIR.  
'14 Alvarez Baritone Sitka/Mahogany
'18 Cordoba hybrid Flamenco Euro Spruce/Ziricote
'23 M. Colbert Baritone Alaskan Sitka/Black Limba multiscale with Manzer wedge